Here’s our next installment of the Lucky Bitches Advice Column. Today’s advice-giver, on the sticky topic of meetings, is Fluffy Sunshine. Part of her story is included in Chapter 21 of Nice Recovery. She knows what of she speaks.
Dear Bitches,
I am new in recovery. I’ve been clean and sober for almost two months but I’m really bored and lonely without my old friends. I tried those twelve step meetings but I sort of hate them. Okay, I really hate them. I’m afraid to get asked to share and everyone is really old.
Any advice to not have a sober life that sucks?
xoxoxo
Dear Newly Sober,
Congratulations on being sober for almost two months. That is a huge achievement! Wouldn’t it be nice to have some nice sober friends to share that with?
I am still not a huge fan of meetings, especially the ones with podiums, where you actually have to get up and look at people when you share, however, I know that most of the freedom that accompanies my sobriety is in those twelve step meetings. Everything I know about sobriety, I learned from attending meetings, working the steps and talking to other people who have sobered up before me (usually talking to them after a meeting.)
Not only that, a huge part of my recovery now is being able to help other young woman (like me and like you) who are coming into sobriety for the first time and are looking for someone to help guide them in their journey. I know for sure I am not going to meet these people sitting at home by myself feeling bored and alone.
That said, I want to emphasize the fact that I TOTALLY KNOW HOW YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW! I still have days where I feel bored and lonely, but the difference today is that I pick up the phone and call someone who is lovely and sober, and we get together for coffee, go for a walk, go to the mall, or go to a meeting – TOGETHER! I also belong to an all women’s group, and I go to that meeting every week, no matter what, even when I don’t want to, because I am saving my own life today, with the help of other sober women, who loved me until I could love myself.
The wonderful thing about sobriety is that I am no longer alone, unless I choose to be. Do yourself a huge favour, look for a women’s meeting or a young people’s meeting in your area and reach out. Seriously, it will change your life, and your sobriety!
(Note from Susan: I also refer you to David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest for perhaps the most insightful and vivid portrayal of twelve step meetings in all of fiction. Yes, the book’s a tome, but it’s also an extraordinary work of art that you can use for weightlifting when you finish reading it.)
Let us close our LB advice column with two quotes from the late, great DFW:
“The parts of me that used to think I was different or smarter or whatever, almost made me die.”
“It’s all very confusing. I think I’m very honest and candid, but I’m also proud of how honest and candid I am — so where does that put me?”
