(Or: Doing Our Part to Overburden Canada’s Health Care System)
(Phone rings. It’s my brother, Aaron.)
S: Hey! How are you?
A: I’m —
S: You’ll never guess where I spent my Saturday afternoon!
A: –?
S: In the EMERGENCY ROOM!
A: –?!
S: So I started getting these chest pains. Like really intense. And having trouble breathing. And it just went on and on. So I got on the Internet and did a little research. Turns out it’s really serious to have chest pains like that. I thought, ‘Oh my God. I’m way too young to have a heart attack.’ How embarrassing would that be! You know, to be 34 and have a heart attack. I mean, I’m 35 today, but on Saturday I was still 34. And that’s young for the old myocardial infarction!
A: –!
S: I know. Totally! So they took my blood pressure. Gave me one of those EKGs. And they did one of those tests where they put a bunch of goo on your chest and then look at your heart! I had to wear a gown! It was really intense.
A: –!
S: Anyway, so it turns out it wasn’t a heart attack. It was this thing called costochondritis. Lots of young people get it. It’s like an inflammation near the heart. In the vicinity anyway. Not serious. Thank god. It’s gone now. But for a while there, it was like– whew!
A: Wow. Is this related to that thing you get with your finger? You know, where it turns white and everything.
S: No. That’s something different. Anyway, how are you?
A: Oh, I’ve got this thing in my eye.
S: What?
A: Yeah. I’ve been to the emergency room and they can’t find anything.
S: That’s ridiculous! Tell them they have to find it!
A: Yeah. I guess I should.
S: You just go down there and don’t leave until they fix your eye.
A: Ah, it’s okay. I’ll wait until tonight. I thought it would come out yesterday. But this morning it’s still pretty bad.
S: You went ALL NIGHT with something in your eye! That’s insane! They should fly you to Vancouver! Bring in a specialist.
A: Yeah.
S: You should demand help. You want me to call them?
A: No. I think it’ll work itself out. It just sucks to be almost blind.
S: There’s no point being a stoic.
A: I guess you’re right. Yeah.