I, for one, am outraged. Tonight on Project Runway, Austin Scarlett, whom I earlier nicknamed “Flip” — a monicker which became obsolete after he wore fabulous finger waves which I must say I admired excessively — did not win the Banana Republic Party Dress contest. This in spite of the fact that he made the prettiest dress BY FAR!
I would like to inform the judges that they have made a terrible, terrible mistake: yes, that includes you, Michael Kors. Austin and I put forward a dress that Banana Republic should have been proud to manufacture and sell. (Which reminds me that I watched The Corporation tonight and will no longer be buying mass-produced clothes due to the sweat shop factor. I will henceforth be relying on Austin to make all my clothes. I hope you’re good with that, Austin.)
Almost as disturbing was the trailer for next week that showed Austin crying! CRYING! Austin and I did not go on Project Runway to be abused. We entered the competition to win and to show our prodigious design talents. So heads up judges. Consider this your first warning. You make Austin cry and you will find yourself on the wrong side of me. You will end up standing in the shadow of the Jubster and it’s not a safe place to be. I’m just saying… in a threatening way.
Finally, I received further confirmation that Austin is my spiritual design twin because when the other contestants, who have morphed from baby birds into vultures, went out and got trashed after a hard day of designing, Austin went to bed after first putting on clean white socks. EXACTLY what I would have done. Well, maybe not when I was twenty. But it would certainly be my strategy now.
Stay strong, Austin. I’m with you every step of the way.