Greetings all!
Well, it’s been a busy year around here which is why I haven’t been in touch more often. Keeping an eye on Susan and James is NOT EASY, especially when you’ve got a schedule like mine. Is it just me or is there more stick fetching, swimming, rock digging, barking and peeing on stuff to do every year? Not easy when a guy sleeps eighteen hours a day!
Susan and James continue to be involved in many extra-curricular activities. Susan still has that huge red thing that she insists on visiting at least four times a week. As far as I can tell, all it does is eat apples and get massages. Oh, and I guess it carries her around a bit, but last time I checked, she had a car for that. A car that could be going to Linley Valley for an off-leash walk instead! The only bonus is that there’s a huge buffet at the barn where the thing lives. Seriously. The buffet is nearly as big as a house.
She’s recently started driving the thing around in a huge grey box. You should smell the panic scent coming off her before she does that! I don’t think the thing even likes it. I don’t blame him. He doesn’t get to go off leash when we finally get to the trails. He’s all trussed up just like when he goes around and around in circles in the ring.
She seems to expect me to go with her when she takes the red thing on these fear-smelling trips. She makes me wear my red bandana and keeps calling out for me to follow them down the trail. I say, hell, no. If you need me I’ll be sleeping by the truck. What am I? The littlest hobo?
Once she got mad when I wouldn’t come and tried talking trash about how I’m supposed to be a cattle dog and what’s wrong with me. Last time I checked, IT wasn’t a cattle. Sometimes I think the thing is causing her to lose her mind and imagine that she’s living in an episode of Deadwood, only without all the hookers and swearing.
And then there’s James. His bicycle has gotten really big and loud in the last year or so. It’s also turned red, which is probably a bad sign and gives me a nervous feeling in my stomach, because it reminds me of Susan’s red thing. He sings this song when he’s around it. Something about “on a steel horse I ride.” I’m not sure the rest of it, because I usually take off when he starts singing.
His new bike goes extremely fast and he likes to wear special outfits when he rides it. Instead of the little cycling pants and bright shirts and shell on his head he wears what looks like six or seven delivery man outfits all on top of one another. Only the shell on his head got smaller. I heard him and Susan raising voices about the size of the shell. She said the shell she wears when she rides her red thing is three times the size of the one he wears when he rides his red thing. She said he looks cool in his small shell, but she’d prefer he looked safe. I could tell he liked it when she said that part about him looking cool.
I can’t get past the fact that they BOTH insist on doing hobbies that require them to wear shells on their heads. My people. I swear they are trying to give me a gray muzzle.
In other news, Halloween was a nightmare this year. It seems like every year people set off more RPGs. I’ve had to make a run for it a few times. It always upsets Susan and James when I take off. Why they don’t see the need to take a more defensive position in these dangerous times is beyond me. They run after me like I’ve done something wrong.
Well, I guess that’s us this year.
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And if you stop by, please don’t forget to bring biscuits. People are constantly forgetting and to be honest, it’s offensive.
Sincerely,
Frank
