It strikes me that because Another Kind of Cowboy is a book about two young dressage riders I should make this blog a bit more horsey. Plus, I have always wanted to be an advice columnist. So I’ve decided that I will begin my advice column right here, right now. Why wait until I’m qualified has always been my motto.
Oh god, it is raining so hard! I like my horse to spend as much time outside as possible, but this is too much. I will call and ask the folks at the barn to keep him in this morning. I’ll be back in a minute…
Horse Sense for Dressage Queen and Kings,
This is Susan. How can I help?
Hi Horse Sense,
My name is Penelope and I’m interested in buying a horse and taking dressage lessons. Can you tell me how to get started?
Interested in Taking Dressage Lessons
Hi Interested,
Whew! That’s a tall order right there. Let me think about that for a minute…
Okay, I’ve thought about it. How much money do you have in the bank right now, Penny?
Whatever the amount is — it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me, although I am interested — say goodbye to it. That’s number one.
Number two: go to a local barn and ask if anyone knows a good dressage teacher. If you notice that a lot of people at the barn are riding their horses over jumps, get ready for hurt feelings. These are show jumpers and hunter jumpers and when you tell them you want to ride dressage they are going to think you are a wimp and a coward. Take solace in the fact that they are probably so hopped up on adrenaline and whatever else they aren’t thinking about how their comments will affect your self-esteem.
You might find the odd jumper who will talk about dressage being the basis for everything else, but he or she won’t mean it. If you dig a little deeper, you’ll find that he or she hasn’t taken a “flat lesson” since he or she was five years old. (Note: You must NEVER ask a rider how long ago that was. Riders from all disciplines can look significantly older than they are. That weathered fifty year old may be a nineteen-year-old who doesn’t have access to an indoor arena or, alternatively, has been riding a completely unstable warmblood that has rearranged her face in jumps three or four times. Or she might have recently looked at her bank balance.)
If the barn you pull up to has a lot of riders in large hats that offer no protection whatsoever riding horses going either very, very slowly or racing at top speed back and forth and spinning around in circles, do not make eye contact or engage in conversation. These will be Western pleasure riders or Western reiners. If you aren’t careful, you will leave the property towing behind your car a trailer ventilated with rust holes that contains a quarter horse who only has the use of three legs, two of which he uses to kick anyone who comes close. Horses need all four legs for dressage, no matter what that cowboy with the crooked grin and twinkly eyes told you. (Please note that he’s a weathered fourteen year old so you shouldn’t be looking at him that way, anyhow.)
With any luck, you’ll pull up to a barn that has a lot of signs with “Dressage Queen Only” parking signs. Don’t, for god’s sake, park there. You aren’t a dressage queen or king yet and the people who put up those signs aren’t joking.
If you see horses going around and around in circles at all three paces while being yelled at by an instructor wearing a headset and slapping a long whip against his or her tall black boot, you are in the right place! If you end up in training facility run by a German person, that instructor will likely be holding a cigarette rather than a whip. In fact, he may have more than one going at a time. Sometimes, the German riding coach, or Bereiter, will have a student whose only job is to carry around his extra lit cigarette. Breath a sigh of relief (but not too deeply, due to all the second-hand smoke). You have located a dressage teacher!
Next time: Your first lesson. To be followed by purchasing your dressage horse.