Yes, The Wire. I mean you. We had something really good together. But lately (i.e. Season 4) it’s been tough. Because you, my friend, are becoming quite unpleasant. I used to look forward to our evenings together, spending time exploring the many facets of you and my reactions to you. I also used to love discussing you with friends who also think you’re amazing.
When I learned we were going to be able to spend Season 4 together, I planned a long, marathon-style date for us. But after a single hour I knew that one episode of togetherness per evening is all I could take. Dating you is like taking shots to the head with my hands tied behind my back.
Now Season 4 is over and I think it’s time we took a break. Over the past three weeks you have dashed my hopes again and again, told me the truth when I didn’t want to hear it and just been generally unpredictable and moody. You have been vicious and sometimes even lethal to some of my dearest friends (BODIE!!! BODIE!!!).
You have left me feeling depressed and even sort of unwell. But not as unwell as Bubbles, whom you seem to take a special delight in mistreating.
Before we get together again, when Season 5 comes out on DVD, I am going to have to insist on the following:
Do something nice for Bubbles. For god’s sake, it’s the least you could do after all you’ve put him through.
I demand that you get intensive therapy for Micheal. I know, I know. He’s pretty far gone. But really, who’s fault is that?
SAVE Randy! If he’s still looking for a foster home, please send him to us. We will encourage his entrepreneurial tendencies and get him the plastic surgeon he’s almost certainly going to need, thanks to you.
And while we’re at it, this is a formal notice that we’d like to adopt Duquan (Dukie). We promise to get him a high-powered computer and his own bathroom with a shower.
Actually, come to think of it, we’re willing to adopt all the kids and even Prez, if you think it will help his morale.
Life in Nanaimo might seem a bit quiet for the guys after Baltimore’s mean streets. But we have a lot of nice walks here, some by the ocean, that I think everyone will enjoy. If you can’t promise to take better care of our friends, I’m going to have to take custody.
Omar is golden. At least you haven’t done anything to him yet. I put you on notice: don’t EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
I believe, that with sincere effort on your part, this relationship can be salvaged. But a trust has been broken. It’s up to you to fix it. It’s your move.
All my love (but with some serious reservations about your judgment),
Susan
P.S. A little more Steve Earl as Waylon would go a long way toward demonstrating your good intentions.
