There are few times more fraught for an author than when a book is first released. Will people read it? Will they like it? Will they like it enough to buy copies for six of their friends? Will they begin a campaign of terror against it because they hate any comedic novel written using multiple first person voices and set on a farm? So many questions.
As noted last week, yoga can help settle the mind as it stretches and tones the body. So here, for anyone who has ever written, planned to write, or read a novel, is some yoga for readers and writers.
This pose is called My Book Just Got Published and I Am Really Excited and Fulfilled!
This pose works opposite muscles. It’s called My Book Just Got Published and I Want to Google Myself But I Have Too Much Self Discipline, Plus I Can’t Because I’m Never Getting Out of This Pose.
Do not try this pose unless your book has just cracked the top ten of the New York Times Bestseller List (without the help of targeted buying by friends and family.) It’s called Ho Shit! I’m A Bestseller and No One Can Stop Me Now! (Little known fact: Nora Roberts spends almost all her time in this pose. So does Jonathan Franzen.)
This pose of surrender is useful when your book remains steady at 900,982 in the Amazon sales rankings. It’s called I Am So Sad About My Book Sales that I Can’t Get My Head Off My Knees. Maybe I’ll Just Stay Here Forever.
This follow-up pose to I’m So Sad means that you shouldn’t have tried to stay with your head on your knees forever. It’s called My Back Is Sore Because My Book’s Not Selling But I’m Not Bitter. I’m Stretching!
This pose is sometimes known as Reverse Prayer or If I Can Touch My Hands Behind My Back Will I Discover A Royalty Cheque Hidden Between My Shoulder Blades? It’s a pose you should try approximately six months after your book is published.
P.S. Thank you to all the twitterers and bloggers who have taken the time to write about Woefield. Please consider yourselves entered to win amazing poultry prizes! And don’t forget to send me your address.