Frank Juby-Waring
July 1998 – October 2013
To whom it may concern,
We would like a lodge a complaint. As I’m sure you are aware, the world’s best dog died on Tuesday night at the Victoria Emergency Clinic. This is a travesty.
Before you try to give us all the usual excuses — He was fifteen, Dogs have to go sometime, etc. — please consider the following.
Frank Juby-Waring had dependents. James and I require a great deal of care. Yes, Frank’s responsibilities have changed over the years. As a young dog he took part in our athletic endeavors such as running, hiking, fishing, mountain biking, cross country skiing, swimming, tubing great rivers and back country camping. As time has gone on his role has evolved to reflect our family’s growing interest in snacking and resting.
What never changed was Frank’s position as the family style and fashion icon. I’m sure you remember the annual Christmas card.
I’m sad to report that without Frank we barely know who we are. I won’t overwhelm you with touching anecdotes, because you are a heartless bureaucrat who allows dogs to die, but I will elucidate the ways in which Frank’s qualities seemed to reflect and perhaps influence our own. He was attractive (me and James); charismatic (me and James); perhaps a bit oversensitive (me and James, especially me); obsessive (me and James, especially James); sometimes standoffish (me); irritable with children (me and James); gassy (best not to say); highly concerned with toys (James); had a large wardrobe (me) and was widely acknowledged by me and James to have star quality and broad-based appeal, similar to ourselves. If we could love the good and the less ideal qualities in Frank, they became easier to bear in ourselves.
We acknowledge that Frank gave us a good home for fifteen years, but that was not enough. We would like to propose that the life span of dogs, in particular dogs with dependents, be raised to between fifty and a hundred years. You may even want to consider making complete exceptions to the mortality rule in the case of the very best dogs.
Please consider this request in the spirit in which it has been sent.
We are cast adrift by the loss of our Frankie dog and want to make sure no one other dependent people have to go though anything like this.
With broken hearts,
Susan and James
In loving memory of Frank Juby-Waring.