Tito
Today I hired this white lady. She was not like most of the ones I get in here looking for work. This one had an all-jeans outfit, like a pantsuit, but jeans. I said, sorry, Miss. We don’t have nothing right now. And she said she’d work for the experience of it and to better understand her constitutionests or something.
So I was worried she was crazy, right? They say any lady who goes full jean is a little loco, but this one smiled and nodded a lot and so I said, sure. Jason didn’t come in. You can bus his tables and I’ll fire his lazy not-showing-up-ass when he finally calls with some Pokeman Go excuse or missed his bus bullshit.
The lady, she had this real nice honey-coloured hair, but all crushed up in the back like she slept on it, she said, Can I start now? I said, sure. Place was a mess after the breakfast rush since we put on that Two-for-One Pancake Special for Seniors. Seniors are real demanding. People don’t know that about them.
This lady, I think she’s a senior herself, even though her hair is real blonde, well she puts on the Wobbly Rob’s All Day All Night Joint t-shirt under her all-jean pantsuit blazer and I say, Look, you got to wear the shirt on the outside so customers can see it. And she said, Yes, I understand what you’re saying. What about if I tuck the blazer back like this. So she shows me and I’m like, yeah. Classy. The lady’s got some game. The shirt looked real nice with the jean blazer. I didn’t know how nice that shirt could look, to be honest.
So she goes to work on the dining room and she’s like super busser. In a few minutes she’s got every table cleared and wiped, not leaving them all wet and sloppy, either. Just perfect. Then she’s got ‘em all set for the lunch crowd, which thanks god is not all seniors but mostly people who work in the government office next door. They’re almost as bad because they complain like bastards, but at least they aren’t as messy.
Somehow, in the middle of all that hustling around, she learns the name of all the servers, all the other bussers, the dishwasher, the cooks and has read up on the history of Wobbly Rob’s, which didn’t take too long because we were established about eight months ago and the way things are going, we’ll be closing in another eight weeks, because the boss, Rob? He’s got issues man. He can’t get along with no one and I think he’s got himself a drug habit.
But back to this lady. On her break I find her reviewing the restaurant procedures manual, which I stole from The Pancake Palace down near the Interstate. She’s tearing it up. Like it’s Fifty Shades or something. Real engrossed in it.
Jason can kiss his job goodbye. This lady is the best thing to hit this restaurant since it opened. She keeps it up I’ll give her a raise to $6.75 hr next week. I don’t want those assholes at the Pancake Palace to poach her.
Britney
Hey, Ash! You won’t believe what happened at Curious About Curry today! This man came in who clearly had some kind of an accident or a scalp condition that caused his hair to be like nothing you have ever seen that wasn’t laying dead on the side of the road. I tried to take a picture but he was so aggro that it came out blurry. Just imagine this sordid, dyed yellow hunk of hair hanging off the side of his head. Like a dead gopher run over by a tractor trailer and stapled to his head! It was so sad, his hair. I really felt for him.
Anyway, so he comes up to me and his skin is super strange too. Like part of it was orange and other parts were white where the orange had rubbed off when he was sleeping on it? Like when you’re in full glam makeup for a night out and then you get so wasted that you fall sleep face-down. Think about how that looks on us then imagine how it looks on a man who is seventy or more. Very, very sad.
If I didn’t want to become a nurse I would have almost have been scared of him because of his skin and hair. But because of my nursing dreams, I barely even recoiled at how he looked.
So he comes up and basically announces to me that he is going to work at Curious About Curry.
And I said that I was the manager and did he have a resume and what could he tell me about his understanding of curry. I take curiosity about curry seriously. You might laugh, but that’s how I got a job as manager!
The poor man says, Look. I’m amazing. Huge. And I don’t want to waste my time with stupid people.
Isn’t that tragic? To have that hair and skin condition and be mentally unwell too.
I smiled at him and said I’d get him an application.
When I gave him the form, he got all narrow eyed. I guess he just noticed our name.
Curious about what? he said. I’m not curious about curry or anything else. When I take over this thing here, this whatever it’s called, mall food cupboard, it’s going to be good. Really good. You’ll see.
Then he asked for my number.
Nursing dreams or no, I was like, hells no old man.
Do you have any papers? he asks. Were you born in this country? Your hair looks dyed.
He would know! Anyway, I was starting to have a line-up of people who were genuinely curious about curry so I was like ooookay, kook. Time for Henrick and Mohammed in Security to earn their $7 an hour. So I called them. The man was so busy talking about how he was not only going to change the whole concept of Curious About Curry, he was going to turn the whole mall into money maker like no one had ever seen before, ever, in the entire history of malls or towns.
By the time security got to me he was yelling at a lady in the line-up to get her crying baby out of there and asking someone to please, for god’s sake, just find his driver. He was really scary, but also extremely sad and tragic. He looked like he’d had a hard life. I need to remember to be grateful for my blessings.
Henrick and Mohammad later said they wanted to shoot him, especially after he called them both ISIS Islamo terrorists, but they didn’t. They did call the police, who ended up having to taser him three times.
I think my job at Curious About Curry is really going to help me with being ready for anything when I apply to college.
See you tomorrow at school!
Love,
Brit